The Day Before and The Day Of...

I feel like screaming right now...I don't know why but every time I have something big happening in my life, I can never sleep the night before. This time around, this sleepless night was caused by wonderfully horrifying nightmares of everything that could possibly go wrong with this trip, so I woke great refreshed this morning...heh...

I don't think it has set in that I leave today. All my vital signs are used to this now--I feel a lot like a robot just going through the motions of getting ready and doing the final checks of everything. Since this happens to be mindless activity at the moment, I guess it's safe to say that at this point, if I forget something, then I'll be in big trouble and I'll have to make do without it...

Last night was fun. I said my brief goodbyes, paid a ridiculous amount for a manicure and pedicure that will probably only last a week anyway, and spent some quality time with the family. I also realized that I have not been preparing my tummy for this new food adventure. In the last week, I have been a very bad girl--I have eaten everything that is bad for me and nothing that is potentially good. I devoured my last tacos, scourged through my share of Tex-Mex Food (and then regretted it), and plundered through a whole box of macaroni and cheese with tuna last night. By the way, the last eating folly occurred while my sister and I had a "mock-recording session" in our living room. Nandy and I have learned to play "Someone Like You" on the piano and we take turns forcing each other to sing while the other plays along. Usually, big sister plays the part of the bully and makes the younger one sing her lungs out 500 times until the song sounds like she actually cares....last night,I got a taste of my own medicine. She was determined to make a good recording of this song to post on Facebook (which I insisted forcefully that I would kill her if she did so). I think we restarted the song like 8 times and Nandy would NOT let me go until the song sounded ok (All I wanted to do was eat my macaroni!). I do remember telling my mom that after our session last night, I know I made the right decision about not going into the music industry lol.

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The last 24 hours before a trip are always like the eye of the storm--there is a ominous calm and silence just before the mass chaos breaks out. The mass chaos happens externally (the rush for baggage, going to the airport, making it through customs, saying goodbye, crying your eyes out, etc) and internally (brain feels like it's going to explode from stress, your stomach is knots, you're wondering how you are even walking much less talking, etc). I'm not sure which one is worse, to tell you  the truth. I think the internal chaos lasts longer because it is usually my faithful companion until  24 hours after I have reached my destination. We'll see if this holds true this time.

I know I should be excited about this trip. I am excited. I will be excited. I'm just a little bit petrified at the time. I think that the prospects of experiencing the same hardships I did almost four years ago when I left for the first time kind of loom over me. I think I'm afraid of the same things: not fitting in, not being able to communicate, getting lost, offending someone...but even worse, I think I know that this trip has more high stakes than the last one. I am a woman. I am proud to be a woman and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world, but I can't help but feeling that being a woman is going to sometimes be a challenge for me while I am gone. 

Fun fact-my arrival in August (back to the US) will mark my four year anniversary from my first ever solo trip to France as a seventeen-year-old girl. How time flies..

Anyway, as you can see, my mind is a bit scattered in all directions right now, so I should probably just quite writing before it gets worse. Besides, I still have enough time to do what I do best-panic and stress out. Why interfere with that? I'll make my next post as soon as I get a chance after I'm settled. Hopefully, from this point on, I will be able to provide actual pictures from the trip and not images from Google! Until next time!

Ma-ah Salaama!