12:54pm

(written on Tuesday May 8, 2012)

We pulled out of our driveway at 12:54pm US central time. This is becoming a little bit more real, but I don’t think it’s quite there yet. I’m writing this post as we drive to the Houston airport. Our bags barely fit in the trunk of the car (NOTE: you will be proud to know that for this trip, I am only taking two small bags, both still underweight, and one backpack. Yes, be impressed, haha I finally learned my lesson!). We said our goodbyes to Nandy. I really wish that she was coming with us. She is being such a good sport about this, and she is being so responsible. I am really proud of her. I also feel quite special because my sister handed over her St. Christopher’s medallion. She never takes that medallion off, but for my summer trip, she let me have it. She left me with the most moving words, “Wear this every day, and think of me. I have worn this necklace every day since I got it and have always felt safe. Now, it is your turn. May it protect you and keep you safe from all harm so that you can come back to me. Oh, and don’t lose it!” As an older sister, this was one of the most meaningful and movements moments that I have shared with Nandy.

I guess I decided to write again to clarify a few things.  After exchanging a particularly difficult conversation with someone before I left, I realized that I might not have prepared myself or others around me for this difficult journey. Don’t get me wrong, this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I have been working towards this fleeting moment my entire college career. I have cried and poured countless of devoted hours to the Arabic language, one of the most challenging feats I have ever set for myself. I have studied, read, debated, analyzed, re-analyzed so much information about the Middle East for years. This is the moment of truth where I put it all to the test. This the moment where I experience an out-of-this-world traveling and living experience. I am very grateful for this moment and opportunity.

This opportunity, however, comes with a lot of pressures that I don’t think some people understand. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that the goals I set for myself are sometimes ridiculous. Translated into normal speak, this means that the levels of anxiety, stress, and pressure that a normal person would feel are augmented 1500 times for me. Maybe I am over thinking this, and maybe my reactions have been over exaggerated, but I can’t help the way I feel or experience these things in life. Everyone feels and experiences life’s outcomes differently. Unfortunately, my general reaction to life is one of stress and ultra-heightened sensitivity. Last year, when I was leaving for France, I tried to apply me lessons in Taoism and relaxation…they went down the drain the very moment I stepped foot in the airport and had to start emptying my bag because it was too heavy (my parents can vouch for this).  I wish I could be more relaxed, and who knows, maybe extreme heat will force me to calm down a little bit.

Back to my point—the implications of this trip are significantly high. I think that watching my parents run around making all sorts of preparations in the event of “worst-case-scenario” made me a little bit more apprehensive. Normally when I leave, I have to worry about what I leave behind and if everyone will be safe when I return. This time, two of the three most important people in my life are traveling with me, leaving one very vulnerable yet strong individual behind. I’m a little bit worried about the situation in Egypt right now, and of course, any possible situations that could spring up in the area that could affect my stay. I don’t speak the language, I don’t know how conservative or how liberal the society will be. Questions like “How will I be received/perceived?”, “Will I fit in?”, “Will I learn the language?”, “How will being a woman affect me?” All of these questions and more are bouncing in my head, along with the normal stresses of traveling. I’m slightly worried about the plane rides. I’m worried about my family. I’m worried about my relationship. I’m worried about culture shock. I’m worried about coming home and re-adjusting.  I’m worried….etc.  I know everything will be fine, but I can’t help and feel a little overwhelmed.

Anyway, after a good tear-shed and writing session, I’m already feeling much better. Thank you for listening and allowing me to vent a bit. I’m gonna enjoy the rest of the car ride and scenery. See you soon!